December 27, 2007

Value: Involvement

I tend to isolate myself. Many people seek out the comfort of friendship at the end of a long, hard day, or when disappointment or heartbreak come to visit. I find my renewal in solitude. And it's easy to go way beyond renewal -- the path of least resistance for me is to be alone. Too much of anything is not a good thing. So here are my 2008 goals to help me peek out of my cave.

  • Involvement (belonging, being involved with other people): For me this means I am deeply connected to a circle of friends who are connected by deep love and respect for one another. We've chosen each other as family. We have much in common, and we revel in our differences. We are "there" for each other, no matter what.
  1. Hang out with my mom at least 10 times. I enjoy my mom's company. She's easy to be with, and she is a good listener. She loves having someone to run errands with, and to check out the sales at the local Wal-Mart. She likes that I do the driving. And she saves up stuff for me to do -- reprogram her VCR, change her lightbulbs, assemble a bookcase. She's my mom. She should be able to count on me.
  2. Share at least 6 special outings with my mom. She enjoys being invited out. So I plan to invite her out. A play, a picnic, a local happening. Stuff she might not do by herself or with her circle of friends. And I love introducing her to my friends. I include these two goals because my primary reason for moving back to Monterey County was to be near my mom as she ages. She's not in need of help now, and may never be -- but here I am, and we need to be in each other's lives. Since she never nags or presses, it's easy to not pick up the phone. It's the hermit in me. I now have quantifiable goals to push me toward enjoyable activities with someone whose company I enjoy.
  3. Connect with my friends at least once a month. It's amazing to me that someone as reclusive as I am could possibly have so many deep and loving friendships. How did that happen? Why have they hung around in the face of my neglect? They deserve better from me.
  4. Make at least one new deep friendship. Not just a pal, or a buddy, or someone to hang out with. The real deal. I have no idea how to do this. When I look at the people who are closest to me, it seems like they just happened to me, each one a miraculous and unexpected gift from the Universe. This year, I'm open for another gift. Maybe more, if my inner hermit doesn't run scared.
  5. Gather with women I love at least once a month. Women. I love my men friends, but women offer something a man might never understand. In person. Lunch. Treasure mapping. Music. A ceremony. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Sisterhood feeds my soul.
  6. Attend at least 6 multi-person social gatherings. The thought of this sends my hermit diving for the darkest corners of her cave. I woo her out by telling her she can have it on her terms. A small dinner party with people I know. Lunch and a matinee with a couple of pals. I tell her she can leave when she needs to, if it becomes uncomfortable. She's considering this.
  7. Introduce my friends to one another. How can these amazing, tremendous, very special people not immediately fall in love with one another once they meet? I'll do my best to make it happen.
  8. Flirt with a man. Yikes! Did I say that? Hermit, come back!

1 comment:

Carole said...

Love your blog! You are really hanging it all out there and reading it gives me a great sense of connection with you. And you're inspiring me to put more of myself in my own blog!